Does time really heal wounds?
by ggfan78
Summary: Derek unable to contend with his team knowing what had happened to him with Buford flees and does not return for 6 years. Can he live with the changes that has occurred in his absence?
1. Chapter 1

_**I have been toying with this idea for awhile now, and though I don't exactly know where it's going to go, I thought I'd give it a whirl anyway. Enjoy! Working on the other chapters for Mistakes and Moments as we speak =)**_

"Penelope?" She froze as she recognised that voice. It had been years since she had last heard it, years since she had forced herself to forget it. Yet there it was, after so many years it still conjured up a certain feeling inside of her, and she hated that. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly for a moment before turning around. There he stood, Derek Morgan after six years of not seeing him or hearing from him. There was a look of guilt, regret, sorrow and longing on his face, and it unnerved her that she could still read him so well, after everything. He stared at her as though he was afraid to look away thinking she would disappear before his eyes. After so long of not seeing her, all he wanted to do was gather her in his arms and never let go. Yet he knew he couldn't. He lost that right when he walked out on her all those years ago.

"What are you doing here?" she asked almost panicked.  
"I'm back in Virginia."  
"Why?" she inquired coldly. Derek hung his head.  
"Listen Baby Girl," Penelope flinched at his words as though he had physically struck her.  
"Don't call me that."  
"I'm sorry. Can we maybe grab a coffee? Talk?" he pleaded.  
"I don't think that's a good idea. Besides, what's left to say? I truly wish we could divide this city in half, you stay on your side and I stay on mine, but that seems a little unrealistic, so I'm just going to ask you to stay away from me. We have nothing to say to each other that your actions haven't spoken loud and clear these last six years. Goodbye Derek."

He watched her as she stormed off. He had not expected to run into her, though in all honesty he had wanted to see her the moment he arrived back in Virginia. She had looked so different, her long blonde hair had been cut short and layered, gone were the loud outfits as she stood before her in jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers, she had lost so much weight that he almost didn't recognise her. In saying that, she was as beautiful as he remembered. Up until she saw him, she looked happy, tanned and content.

Penelope was absolutely shaken after she walked away from him. She got into her car and drove mindlessly.

"Did you know?" she accused as he opened the door. Hotch had hoped he would get to her before she found out. He saw the look of betrayal on her face as his silence confirmed his answer. She turned her heel to head back into her car. Hotch made a grab for her arm,  
"Pen,"  
"No Aaron, you knew and you didn't tell me. You're supposed to be my best friend for goodness sake. You were the one who saw me through that whole ordeal. How could you know something this huge and not tell me?" she asked her eyes blazing with anger. As angry as she was at him for not telling her, she knew that a portion of her anger was a little misguided.  
"I only just found out. I was going to come over tonight and talk to you about it. How did you know?"  
"I was picking up a few things from the market, and out of no where he calls out to me like no time has passed."  
"I'm sorry Pen." He said gathering her into his arms. Penelope leaned her forehead against his chest.  
"Why is this happening? Why now? I don't want him here Aaron."  
"I know Pen, but maybe it's time you face this one head on. How else would you be able to fully move on from this?" Penelope sighed.  
"Do you want to come in?" he asked as she shook her head.  
"No thanks, I better go. Sorry I ambushed you, I just… I freaked."  
"I know, it's okay. Call if and when you're ready to talk. I'm here Pen. Always."

That was true. When Derek Morgan had dropped from the face of the earth, their friends had rallied around her. By some random act of fate, Aaron had taken on the role of her pseudo best friend. He had taken over the part of protector in her life, and as time passed, their friendship strengthened. He was like an older brother to her and one she appreciated and looked up to.

Derek had left with only a letter of resignation on Hotch's desk and no explanation. When Hotch had found him in Chicago to ask him why, he did not offer an answer that justified his actions. He had cut of communication with all them that left each member of the team hurt and perhaps even angry. No one felt his absence as strong as Penelope. Though she had tried to keep it together for appearances sake, her friends had noticed the dark circles under her eyes, and how there were days when she would come to work, face blotchy and red from crying. They gave her the space she needed after assuring her that they were there for her. Emily and JJ had taken to being mad at Derek for not only abandoning them all, but for hurting their friend.

"Did you honestly expect her to react any other way?" Derek glanced up in surprise as Emily sat down on the park bench beside him. They were close enough to know which spots he hit when he was taking time out to think. Which is why she took it almost as badly as Penelope that he had left without a word.  
"How did you know?" he asked.  
"She came over to the house, she laid into Hotch thinking he knew and didn't tell her."  
"Ahh, sorry." He apologised, she knew that it was a blanket apology for everything.  
"You can't just come back and try to pick up where you left of. You bailed without so much as an explanation."  
"I just couldn't come back, not after you all found out about Buford, I didn't want to see the pity."  
"You're an idiot. How dare you underestimate us, your friends? You were a coward Derek Morgan, you projected your feelings to us because it was easier that having to face the fact that maybe, just maybe it didn't matter to us, and you know what, it didn't."  
"I know. I just didn't know how to deal with it."  
"So why are you here?"  
"To say sorry, to come back if Hotch would let me. I heard there's an opening with Rossi going back into retirement." Emily nodded having guessed as much.  
"Talk to Hotch, see what he says. Though be warned. You're not exactly his favourite person right now. When you left, he picked up the pieces you left behind." Derek nodded knowingly.  
"How is she?"  
"She's better. The first few months was really hard for her, that first year seemed to drag on, but once she made peace with it. Once she learned to live without you, she accepted it. She's stronger than I have ever seen her. She's Pen, and she's amazing."

When Emily walked through the front door Aaron didn't need to ask where she had been. After they had watched Penelope drive off, she had excused herself to run n errand.

"He wants to come back to the BAU. To all of us."  
"Strauss will more than likely reinstate him, he's a good agent."  
"Would you?"  
"Only because he's a good agent, otherwise not a chance in hell."  
"Aaron,"  
"No Em, Pen aside he bailed on the team without explanation, though we may have understood it in hind sight, he owed us more than what he gave. He changed the dynamics of our team. He betrayed all of us. It's been six years, don't you think that's just too little too late. It's not like it's been a year or even two, it's been six years Em and not a word. He walked away willingly." Em curled up on the couch beside him and lay her head on his chest as he pulled her close. He had a good point, and it was one she shared, but there will always be a soft place in her heart for Derek, regardless how big of a jack ass he had been.

Derek had stood in front of Penelope's apartment building for about an hour, contemplating whether or not he was brave enough to knock on her door and attempt to explain and apologise. Finally conjuring up enough courage he knocked on the door. He heard hurried footsteps run towards the door.

"Gabriel James, you touch that door knob and you will seriously be attacked by the tickle monster." He heard a child giggle from the other side of the door as she called out to him. Hearing her familiar footsteps come to the door his heart stops, afraid of what would greet him when the door opened. Penelope picked up the child in her arms and tickled him on the stomach as he squirmed.  
"What did Mommy tell you about opening the front door without an adult huh?" Derek couldn't believe his ears, she was a Mother. Before she could open the door or even peak through the peep hole he slipped out of there without detection. Unwilling to see just how much had changed. She had moved on without him, and though it was rightly so, it still hurt. Penelope opened the door after looking through the peep hole, confused she looked up and down the hallway and closed the door behind her.  
"What do you say you help Mommy set the table little man?"

As he stood right outside her apartment she could hear their laughter from the kitchen window that was open. Mother and son had broken into a song about setting the table, and he could hear a child's giggling in pure delight. She was a great Mom, just as he always thought she would be.


	2. Chapter 2

There were so many questions that Derek wanted to ask, even though he knew he had no right to ask them. Six years was a long time, and he was well aware that he had missed out on so much. How does he even begin to apologise for walking away, for abandoning them, especially her, and how does he ask for forgiveness when he knows that it was only fear that kept him away for so long.

Penelope knew he was in the building, Aaron had warned her that morning before she came to the office. She knew that he was hoping to slip back into the team, and though she knew that her friends were guarded, they would eventually welcome him back in the fold. When JJ had seen him, she immediately headed for Penelope's bunker.

"Pen?" JJ hesitated by the door. Penelope looked up and gave her a friend a small smile.  
"It's okay Jayje, I've been pre warned. I have no intention of stepping out of my office the whole day for that very reason." She stated.  
"Not even to use the bathroom," Emily teased as she came in sitting herself on Penelope's couch.  
"Well, maybe that. I know it seems like I'm hiding, but I just can't see him. Not right now, not after everything you know?" The girls nodded in understanding. After all they had been the ones who rallied around her after he left. They had picked up the pieces of the road kill he left behind. She had come a long way, and she refused to let him sabotage whatever resolve she'd managed to have.

Derek settled back into his old desk, he could sense that Reid was watching him, assessing him, ever the profiler. He noticed that Emily and JJ were no where in sight, guessing that they were in a certain Tech Analyst's office.

"Hey Em, Reid, how are you guys?"  
"Michael hi!" Em greeted warmly as Reid looked up and waved. Michael turned to Derek,  
"You must be Agent Morgan,"  
"Derek,"  
"Michael, nice to meet you." Michael said pleasantly as he shook Derek's hand.  
"She's just in a meeting with Hotch, but you're welcome to hang here or at her lair." JJ said coming down the stairs giving Michael a quick hug.  
"Thanks Jayje, I might wait in her office. I got a missed call from Gabe's school, I should check in, he hasn't been feeling well but they had an excursion to the Chocolate Factory, and he was determined not to miss it." Derek's ears peaked recognising the name, his head whirled with possibilities. JJ and Emily laughed  
"That's only understandable."  
"Spoken like his chocolate dependent Godmothers." He teased before heading to Penelope's office. Emily, JJ and Reid knew there were questions flying around in Derek's mind, and it wasn't their place to provide the answers. JJ headed back to her office, while Emily mumbled something about finding a file, leaving Reid staring at the file on his desk, not daring to lift his gaze.

From the looks of things, Michael didn't work in the FBI building. He was sporting around a visitor's pass. Derek had wondered if he was the father of the child he knew Penelope had. He could tell that JJ, Emily and Reid knew him well, and that he had transitioned into their tight knit group. He wasn't at all threatened by Derek which was a first, and that intrigued him. It was as though he knew his place in her life, and that nothing threatened that knowledge. Derek envied that. Once upon a time he held that place in her life.

"So he's back for good?" Hotch nodded.  
"Well, it had to happen eventually right?" Penelope muttered beneath her breath  
"I'll be fine Hotch, I promise. I will not let him dictate my life. He may be back, but nothing has changed."  
"You can allow yourself to feel Pen." He said gently.  
"I know, I'm just not ready Aaron. It still hurts too much, and seeing him brings it all back. I would quit, but I doubt you'd let me."  
"You got that right." Penelope smiled. Before she could say anything further a knock on the door interrupted them,  
"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt but Pen Gabe's school called. He threw up on the bus on the way home from the excursion, so I'm going to go pick him up. We can swing by and get you on the way home from school. I just didn't want to leave without letting you know." Penelope jumped to her feet.  
"Hotch,"  
"Go, call and let me know how he is, I'm sure it's just the bug that's going around. Jack had it a couple of weeks ago."  
"I will thanks Aaron."

Derek watched worriedly as Penelope and Michael rushed out of the bullpen minutes after Pen emerged from Hotch's office. He watched as Michael draped an arm around her as they waited for the lift. Penelope leaned into his embrace resting her head on his shoulder. Reid who was still observing Morgan could see his face transform from emotion to emotion and did not envy his situation.

JJ and Reid had left for the day leaving Derek and Emily in the bullpen as she waited for Hotch to finish. She could tell he was dying to ask her.

"She met Michael where she counsels murder victims about six years ago. He's the director of the programme. They've been the best of friends since. Michael came at a time where she needed a friend, and he was there for her in every essence of the word, not expecting anything, but just loving her because he thought she needed it. Though she knew she had us, she needed someone outside our tightly knit family. Someone who wasn't so close to the pain she felt. He was perfect. He calls her on things when she's being unreasonable, and challenges her when she needs to be challenged. Like coming into work today when she knew you were going to be here." She added.  
"She didn't want to come in because of me?"  
"Can you blame her? But Michael talked her through it, drove her to work and vowed to pick her up, promised to be on call any time of day to pick her up should she need to leave early. More than just being there for her, to cater to her every need, he loves her deeply. There's nothing he wouldn't do for her. We knew from the start, he would never hurt her."  
"Is she happy?" he asked,  
"As happy as I have seen her in a really long time. I know you're feeling a little alienated right now Derek, but you have to give the rest of us a chance to get used to having you around again. You didn't just hurt Pen when you left."  
"I know Em, and I'm sorry." He said genuinely meeting her gaze. She gave him a small smile and patted his hand before making her way up to Hotch's office.

Penelope looked out her kitchen window and sighed. For the second time in two days, there he sat on her apartment building's porch step as though contemplating his next move.

"You know I'm pretty sure there are anti stalking laws in place." Derek looked up surprised as she sat down beside him.  
"You left rather abruptly, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Penelope let our a deep breath. She had guessed that he had realised she had a son when he knocked on the door yesterday.  
"Yeah, my son got sick on the way home from his school excursion. I knew I shouldn't have sent him, he wasn't looking that great this morning, but he gave me that puppy dog face and I was a goner, as always. Kid knows which buttons to push, much like his father." She added with a small smile on her face.  
"What's he like?" Derek asked in genuine interest, happy to have her sitting beside him, talking.  
"He's amazing, he's the love of my life. He's crazy smart, gives Uncle Reid a run for his money, completely loving and extremely protective. He has all of his Aunts and Uncles crazy for him." Derek watched as her face lit up as she talked about her son.  
"He sounds like a great kid."  
"He is, I got lucky."  
"I'm sure having you as a mother has more to do with it than luck P."

"Thanks. Derek, I realise that you and I have to learn to co-exist. I may not like it, and I am still furious at you, but I can't hate you, which is a shame for me because I would really like to. However, Hotch tells me you're here to stay, and I guess I have to learn to live with that. If you're here to stay you're going to find out anyway, so there's something you have to know,"  
"What P?"  
"Come with me," Doing as he was told Derek followed Penelope into her apartment.  
"He's at work," she answered his unspoken question, to which he nodded. Penelope led him to the guest bedroom, which was now clearly her son's room. Derek gasped, realising what she was trying to tell him  
"P, he's mine?"

_The moment they landed from Chicago, he got on his bike and drove to her house. His team watched knowingly. There was only one place he would go. Only one person who was willing to see. She had been waiting for him, knowing that he would come. The moment she opened the door he pulled her into his arms. His mouth immediately finding hers, surprised it took a moment for her brain to kick in, and when it did she felt her body give into his despite how loudly her mind screamed to stop. She knew that there would be regrets, but she couldn't deny him. If she were honest with herself, she wanted him as much as he seemingly wanted her. She knew that he was trying to hard to forget the very memories he had succeeded in burying for all those years, and now they had resurfaced and he needed the pain to go away. She led him to her bedroom despite her better judgement and there he was able to forget, if only for a few moments. _

_What saddened her was that she was not at all surprised to find him gone the next day. What did surprise her was that come Monday morning, Hotch had announced he had handed in his resignation. When she came to his apartment, his clothes were gone. Everything else was left behind, as though he left everything that held a sentimental significance. Photos aside from those of his family remained. Knick knacks collected over a time all left abandoned. _

_It broke her heart, that she like the items he left, was abandoned as though she didn't matter. _

Derek's eyes filled with tears as he looked at her. Understanding completely the anger that she felt the moment she saw him.

"P, I am so sorry."  
"For what it's worth, I know that, but it doesn't change anything. I wanted it to come from me, because you'll figure it out eventually. He knows about you," Penelope pointed to the picture of Derek by their son's bedside table, next to that frame was a photo of Pen and Gabriel, and another of Pen, Gabriel and Michael. When he looked around the room he saw that it was surrounded by photos of their BAU family. There was even a photo of Gabriel with his Mother.  
"When I called you at your mother's that's what that was about." Derek flinched, he had been avoiding all their calls.  
"Your Mom, by instinct knew something was up. So I told her, I made her promise not to tell you. I told her that when the time comes, you'll know. So she checks in regularly, talks to him on the phone, she's Gammie Fan. She comes and visits every few months." She could see his mind run a hundred miles an hour,  
"This doesn't change anything Derek. We can't be friends, and I don't want to be, I just wanted you to hear it from me that he's yours and if you want to get to know him, you can. That door will always be open to you." Derek could only nod as it all began to sink in.

_**So I caved, Gabriel's his….**_


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Derek stood nervously at Penelope's doorway. Penelope had asked him if he wanted to meet their son. Torn between being excited to being completely frightened he nodded.  
"It's okay, he's five. He won't bite." Penelope said as she opened the door noticing how nervous he was. Derek gave her a sheepish grin. He could hear the little boys giggles from his bedroom and as he emerged upside down in Michael's arms.  
"Oh hey Derek." Michael greeted turning Gabriel the right side up. Michael stuck his hand out to shake his.  
"Hey Man," Gabriel leaned over to his mother who took him in her arms,  
"Baby, do you remember how I told you about your Daddy." Gabriel nodded,  
"The one that lives away?"  
"That's right, well Baby this is Derek, he's your Daddy. Do you recognise him from the photos?" the little boy nodded again,  
"Hey Gabe,"  
"Gammie Fan is your Mommy?" he asked. Derek nodded.  
"Yes she is, and I spoke to her last night and she sends you lots and lots of love." Gabriel broke out into a grin,  
"I love Gammie Fan." Penelope smiled and pulled him into her lap.  
"You sure do kiddo. Honey, Derek's going to visit with you awhile okay. Maybe you can show him your room, and show him how to work the science kit that Uncle Spence sent you." Gabriel looked at her warily, then at Michael  
"It's okay Kiddo. Your Mom and I aren't going anywhere. Derek just wants to hang with you." Michael said piping in. Gabriel was a precocious little boy and was concerned that he may hurt Michael's feelings. Gabriel nodded and took Derek's hand to lead him to the room. Derek caught Penelope mouth a thank you to Michael who dropped a kiss on her head before sitting beside her on the couch.

Derek was enamoured by his son. He may look like him but he was all Pen in heart. He was as smart as his Boy Genius uncle. For the next couple of hours they played in Gabriel's room. Penelope made a point to not check in on them. By lunch time Derek and his little mini me were buds.

"You're welcome to stay for lunch. The gang's coming over for lunch. We do Saturday Brunch or Lunch together most weeks, we alternate from house to house."  
"Thanks P, I'd really like that." Derek watched as Penelope and Michael operated like a well oiled machine, in tuned perfectly to the other. He noticed that Emily and Hotch just let themselves in with their own set of keys as though it was the most natural thing to do, as did Rossi, Reid, and JJ. He could see how much had changed, and how much closer their family unit had become, and he realised he was the outsider.

"Pen, I can smell that marinade of yours all the way from the car park." Aaron said kissing his friend on the cheek,  
"And he has been salivating since you confirmed what you were preparing for lunch," Em stated giving her friend a hug hello.  
"Hey Derek, glad you're here." Em said walking over to him after she gave Michael a hug hello. Em raised a discreet eyebrow at Pen, who hadn't had a chance to brief her about the previous night's events.  
"Men, shall we get the Barbecue started." Aaron said looking from Michael to Derek who both stood to their feet in agreement. As soon as they were out of ear shot Em and JJ made a bee line for Pen, while Uncle Spencer and Grampa Davey kept Gabe entertained.  
"He came over last night, and it just came out." Penelope began to tell them about what had happened as they listened intently.

To say that they were all protective of Penelope was an understatement, when Penelope was replenishing the salad bowls Rossi, Reid and Aaron had followed.  
"I'm okay you guys, I'm glad he knows. Stand down. I appreciate the sentiment but, at ease boys." She said as kissed each of their cheeks before heading back outside to the patio.


	4. Chapter 4

For what it was worth, Derek was as good of a father as she always imagined him to be. He was doting, loving, patient and his energy level came to par with his very active son. As time passed he stayed with Derek a couple of nights a week, and Derek had taken him to Chicago to spend time with Fran, Des, Sarah and his cousins. Gabe thrived with the love they poured out on him, and though Penelope and Derek were no where near what they were before, as parents there was a distinct partnership and respect between them. Every now and then Derek would catch Penelope watching him and Gabe from the corner of his eye, when she thought no one was looking she let her guard down, and sometimes he could see just how much he had hurt her, and why she would never let him in again.

"So how's your co-existence with said father of your child going?" Em asked as they sat at Brunch one Saturday morning while Derek and Michael took Gabe to his little league practice. Very early on, Gabriel had made it very clear that as much as he loved Derek and knew he was his father, Michael had played a huge importance in his life, and he had enough love for both of them, and wanted both of them to be around. Knowing he had no right to begrudge Michael of time with his son and vice versa, he and Michael formed a friendship.  
"It's getting there. Getting used to him didn't take as long as I thought it would which admittedly frustrates me. He's gone for five year and in two months he's slipped back in like nothing's changed. A part of me feels a little cheated. However unreasonable and unfair that may seem." JJ and Em smiled sympathetically. They knew that Penelope's walls were beginning to fail her. That deep down her care for Derek would inevitably overpower her determination to keep him at arms length.  
"What time is it?" Penelope asked trying to keep a close eye on the time not wanting to miss the beginning of Gabe's Little League game.  
"We should head off now to give us plenty of time to reserve a whole row of bleachers." Em replied as she looked at her watch. When they weren't on a case, everyone attended Gabe's games, Aunty JJ, Uncle Spencer, Aunty Emily, Uncle Aaron, Grandpa Davey, Michael, Daddy, Mommy and when he was at Uncle Aaron's Jack came too. Gabriel James Garcia Morgan was not short of love and support.

"MOMMY!!!!" Gabriel shrieked in excitement as Penelope walked up to the playgrounds with Aunt JJ and Aunt Emily in tow. Penelope braced herself for the impact of her five year as he flung his arms around her waist.  
"How's my little Slugger? Did you have a good practice today?" she asked lifting him up into her arms as he snaked his arms around her neck.  
"Yup. Hi Aunt Em, hi Aunty JJ." He said with an enthusiastic wave.  
"Hey kiddo." Em greeted dropping a kiss on his cheek as JJ followed giving him a brief squeeze.  
"Ladies," Derek greeted as they walked up from the dug out where they were talking to the coach. Michael gave JJ and Em a brief hug while planting a kiss on Pen's temple.  
"I made you guys some sandwiches and brought a few drinks for you in case you're hungry, seeing as the three of you were out the door at dawn. I trust you would have fed my son breakfast before you all snuck out this morning." Michael and Derek grinned,  
"Of course we did. What? You'd think we'd let the kid starve?" Em handed Michael the cooler bag that held Penelope's treats. Michael pulled out a sandwich for himself and Derek.  
"Hey Slugger, are you hungry?" Michael asked holding up half a sandwich. Gabe shook his head,  
"No thank you. Mommy, can I have a drink?" he asked looking up at Penelope.  
"Of course you can Baby." Michael dug a juice box out of the cooler bag and handed it to Gabriel as Penelope set him down. Gabriel sat beside Michael on the bleachers. Gabriel's stomach grumbled more from nervousness than hunger. Having heard it Michael grinned at Gabriel and held out his sandwich so Gabriel could take a bite. Smiling Gabriel took a bite and chewed happily as he sat there waiting for the game to begin. Derek couldn't help envy how comfortable Gabriel was with Michael. They read each other so well that at times they spoke in their own language. Derek appreciated that Michael never rubbed his face in it, if anything he was the most encouraging when it came to getting to know Gabriel better and spend as much time with him as possible. Derek was grateful that Penelope was gracious with sharing their son despite his absence for the first five years of Gabriel's life. Knowing the battle the Hotch went through with Hayley in the beginning, he could only be thankful.

After the game everyone came back to Penelope's for a Victory Pizza Party. In truth, win or lose they came back to Penelope's for Pizza and Ice Cream. It was their time together as a whole family, when it wasn't baseball season, they had barbecues in place of Pizza and Ice Cream.

Derek watched as Aaron and Penelope were engaged in a serious in depth conversation in the kitchen. He watched as Aaron placed both his hands on her shoulders forcing her to meet his gaze, whatever he said must've helped as her shoulders relaxed a little as she nodded in response. Aaron then pulled her into his arms as she buried her face into his shirt.

"You still love her an awful lot don't you?" He heard Michael's voice interrupt his thoughts. Derek looked up surprised and a little uncomfortable at the directness of Michael's words,  
"It's okay. I can understand why. Pen's awesome." Derek knew there was no denying it even if he wanted to.  
"Yeah, I do."  
"Are you in love with Pen?"  
"This is hardly an appropriate conversation to have between us isn't it?"  
"Well, we aren't exactly a conventional bunch are we?"  
"That is true. Do you really want to hear this?"  
"Yes I do, because I think it's time we had this talk." Derek nodded, at the very least he owed Michael his honesty. The two of them slipped out of the apartment to go for a walk.  
"A part of me will ALWAYS love Pen. I have never loved anyone as much as I loved and love her. She was my best friend, and I guess a part of me will always hold that title solely for her. I screwed up almost six years ago, I gambled, I freaked and I ran. I lost her, but I will never stop loving her, but you have my word I would never come between you two. She deserves her chance for happiness. I have no right to take away something that I willingly walked away from all those years ago."  
"I appreciate that. The thing is, Pen and I work the way we work because we both know that her heart already belongs to someone, and despite how much she wants it not to, she gave it to you a long time ago and she can't get it back, and she and I can't ever be together because of a couple of reasons. One of which is that I am gay." It all then began to make sense to Derek. Michael had his own room, which he thought it was a spare bedroom, the fact that they were affectionate but not intimate, it all began to slip into place,  
"Pen and I could lavish each other with as much love as we wanted with no strings because there was no threat of us falling into that friends to lovers trap. I was with her when she realised she may be pregnant, I was there when she took the test, there when she gave birth. It was accidental or fate but from that moment on we just became partners. We were there for each other unconditionally. I got sick about a year after Gabe was born, and in true Pen fashion she stood by me through chemo, actually they all did. Despite the fact that she had a new born and was a single Mom working, she took care of me too. In time, I went into remission. Pen's my best friend, and I know that I am hers, and she has Hotch too, but she and I have lived through the worst moments of our life together, and having Gabe brought so much happiness in place of the sadness. Derek, the reason why I am asking you about how you feel about Penelope is because I'm sick again, and there's no remission in my future. What I have has become terminal. I need to know that when I'm gone you're going to be there, because despite how much she fights it, she loves you. She wants to be with you. She's going to need you. I need to know if you're up for that challenge, that you want it, because she's not going to make it easy for you." Derek's heart dropped to the floor at Michael's confession.  
"I love her, heart and soul I love her and I promise you I will be there for her if it means I have to handcuff myself to her, I will be there."  
"I was hoping that was the case. Thank you."  
"Are you okay? Is there something I can do for you?" Derek asked sorrowfully. He had grown to like Michael in the months that he had gotten to know him.  
"Yeah I'm okay. As long as I know she's going to be well taken care of, that's all that matters."  
"Thank you for everything you've done for her and for Gabe. For all the love you've poured out to both of them."  
"That was the easy part." Michael replied with a soft smile as he led Derek back to the apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

Penelope suspiciously raised her eyebrow at Michael as he and Derek walked in through the front door. He smiled holding up the bag that held the ice cream tubs. Michael knew they were low on Ice Cream and going on an Ice Cream run was a great cover up for their disappearance. Michael walked over to Penelope where she stood by the fridge with Hotch and dropped a kiss on her cheek.

"You're much too suspicious for your own good Penelope Garcia."  
"I wonder why that is O'Fallon?" she retorted not believing his cover up at all.  
"Where is the trust?" he teased draping an arm over her shoulder giving her a reassuring hug. Despite what he knew Derek still felt a pang of jealousy at their closeness. Michael had not only taken over his role, but he had exceeded above and beyond, Michael ultimately was the person that knew her best.  
"Hey Pen, why don't we barbecue for dinner?" Hotch suggested changing the subject,  
"Sounds good. Would you boys like to go on the food run for the barbecue?" Penelope asked sarcastically as Hotch and Michael both grinned.  
"Of course you do, all of you go. Get out of my kitchen." She said batting them away with tea towels good naturedly. Penelope watched as Michael, Hotch, Derek and Rossi went on the food run leaving Spencer and Gabe busily concocting something with his lab set, while the girls sat on the couch.

"You sure know how to clear a room Pen." Em teased.  
"Think of it as when girls all go to the bathroom at the same time. I can sense a pow wow."  
"For what?" JJ asked curiously wondering what could be that important.  
"Michael's sick, and this time there's no room for remission. He's terminal. The cancer has spread throughout his spine and head. It's inoperable." Both Emily and JJ gasped as they both started tearing up. Michael had become such an integral part of their family, and the thought of losing him was just as hard for them as it was for Pen.  
"How long?" Em inquired  
"Few months, six at most." Penelope answered as her voice cracked, swallowing the tears that threatened to fall. JJ covered Pen's hand with hers and Emily draped an arm around her shoulder.  
"I'm sorry Pen."  
"Yeah, me too. I don't know how to imagine life without him. I don't want to. I don't remember what it was like before her came along. It's inconceivable to think back that far. He's been a part of my every day life for six and a half years. If he wasn't gay we'd be married by now for goodness sake."  
"Well you two certainly redefined and gave Will and Grace a run for their money." Em commented while they laughed,  
"That we did." Penelope agreed with a wistful smile. Em was the first to christen them Will and Grace very early on in their friendship.  
"I do appreciate that the Jack and Jen Dawsons Creek reference didn't stick."  
"What, it was the first thing I thought of when I first noticed the way you two bounced off on each other." JJ protested.  
"And that didn't frighten you?" Em teased.  
"I am not getting into this again. You guys always rag me for my affiliation to Dawsons Creek, but you love that show as much as I do. May I remind you both that each of you own your own copy of the entire series, and I am willing to bet you dinner that when you're having a moment, you dig up your favourite episode for comfort." JJ challenged as both Pen and Em grinned. There was no arguing with that because it was accurate. They shared many guilty pleasures and one of those was there deep appreciation of the teen angst filled show of Dawsons Creek.  
"We need to shift the gloom girls, I can't have them all come back and we're all tear strained and sad." Penelope pointed out,  
"Walmart episode?" JJ suggested,  
"There's no better pick me up than that." Em answered rising from the couch to raid Pen's DVD collection.

The boys had come home to the three ladies huddled together under a blanket intently watching the TV in front of them. They didn't bother looking up when the boys let themselves in.

"By the choice of episode, I think it's safe to say she's told them too." Michael said leaning over to Hotch softly enough that only the boys could hear.  
"Well you know only life altering moments gets them to dig through that guilty pleasures shelf and admittedly grab for Dawsons Creek." Hotch replied  
"You guys, the apartment is not that big and despite how quietly you talk we can still hear you." Pen called out as she rolled her eyes. Derek watched as Michael, Dave and Hotch exchanged a smile, only reiterating just how much had changed, and how little he knew. Michael walked over to girls to join them on the couch. Pen moved to Em's other side so that Michael could go between Em and JJ. Both Em and JJ immediately placed their heads on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around them both. Pen rose to her feet giving them some time with him and began helping the boys unpack the ample food they had purchased.  
"Were we just declared a starving nation?" Pen wondered out loud. Hotch smirked and draped an arm around her giving her a brief squeeze.  
"We're growing boys you know." He replied taking the items from her to put away as she emptied the bags. As Hotch and Rossi went to get the barbecue ready, Derek stayed in the kitchen with Pen to help her set up the salads.  
"I'm sorry to hear about Michael." He said softly as they worked quietly side by side.  
"Thanks, I figured he'd tell you soon enough. He's determined to cover all basis to ensure that I don't spend the rest of my life mourning him."  
"He's a great guy."  
"Yeah, he truly is. I don't know what I would have done without him the last six years." Pen said absently, more to herself than to him.


	6. Chapter 6

Penelope and Michael had sat Gabriel down to tell him what was going on. Very early on he was aware that Michael was unwell, and he had witnessed some of Michael's worst moments, and as any kid of Penelope Garcia's, he not only took in stride but embraced it with abundant love. He shared a special bond with Michael, one that could not be shaken, not by sickness, Derek's reappearance or even death.

"Does that mean you're going to die?" Gabriel asked solemnly looking at Michael straight in the eye.  
"Come here bud." Michael said as Gabriel walked into his arms. Michael sat him down on his lap.  
"You and I, we're friends right and we don't lie to each other right?" he said as Gabriel nodded,  
"It does mean I am going to die buddy." Gabriel swallowed and looked up at Michael and wordlessly wrapped his arms around Michael's neck.  
"Will you still watch over me in heaven?"  
"Of course. I will be watching over you for the rest of your life buddy. No matter where I am, I will always have your back. You're my best friend remember?"  
"I love you Pappi."  
"I love you too buddy. Forever and always."

Penelope quickly wiped away the tears that escaped from her eyes. Michael squeezed her hand tightly as Gabe clung to him for dear life. The three of them had been such a family unit for the last six years that it paralysed her to imagine life without him. He had been a part of every significant moment in her son's life and hers for the last six years. Penelope couldn't love him any more than she did.

Gabriel had fallen asleep in Michael's arms as the three of them sat quietly on the couch after their talk. Penelope lay her head on Michael's shoulder, his arm protectively around her.

"Promise me something,"  
"Name it."  
"You'll give him a chance."  
"Michael,"  
"I mean it P. He loves you P. If I wasn't so sure, I wouldn't insist on it. You know me better than that. I think he could make you happier than anyone ever could and that's what scares you. Don't be stubborn for the sake of being stubborn, and don't use mourning for me as an excuse to push him away. You have a real chance for happiness Pen, I want you to take it."  
"Michael,"  
"No matter what, you will never be able to avoid getting hurt, whether it's with him or some other guy, it's part of life. He's willing to learn from his mistakes. Besides, the boys would hunt him down if he ever pulled anything like he did before. You still love him P and you know it." Penelope sighed,  
"You so don't play fair." She muttered as she sunk deeper into his embrace.


	7. Chapter 7

It didn't take long for Michael to take a turn for the worst. Penelope had taken an indefinite personal leave wanting to spend as much time with him as possible, not wanting to miss a moment. As always her BAU family rallied around her, around them both. In the last six years Michael had become equally important to them. He was a great friend to all, and when he took his last breath, they were all in Penelope's living room. The howl that escaped Penelope's lips would haunt them for days to come. Thankfully Gabe was not in the house. After he had said his goodbyes to Gabe, Michael had asked Reid to take Gabe out for a few hours, as though he knew and wanted to spare the little boy the image of his mother fall apart as he knew she would.

Hotch and Derek had jumped to their feet rushing to her Michael's room. They were giving the privacy they needed after they had all their turn to say goodbye to Michael. Derek's heart broke at the sight of Penelope on the bed beside Michael, his arms wrapped protectively around her as she clutched his shirt as she lay her head on his heart knowing that he was indeed gone. The one person that loved her so unconditionally from the first moment they met. The one person who understood her, accepted and loved her fully for who she was and helped her glue back the pieces of her broken heart when she didn't think she would ever be able to pull it together. He was gone, and her heart hurt for him. She willed him to wake up. Begged as she sobbed into his chest,

"You can't. I still need you. Please, please open your eyes Michael. You and me together, you promised. Wake up! Michael please!" Derek glanced at Hotch with desperation in his eyes, he couldn't watch her like this. Hotch walked towards the bed with purpose,

"Pen, sweetheart." Penelope looked up at Hotch,

"No! Aaron, he can't be gone. Make him come back."

"I wish I could sweetheart. If I could do it, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't and I'm sorry." Penelope wordlessly turned her head towards Michael once more and hugged him,

"Say goodbye sweetheart."

"No, I can't. Please Hotch, don't make me." Hotch's heart clenched unable to deny her the moment, even though he knew it wasn't healthy. Wordlessly Derek walked up to her on the bed, gently put his arms beneath her legs and bag gently lifting her out of the bed,

"No, let me go."

"P, he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

"How would you know? You didn't know him. You don't know what we had. You don't get it and you never will. Michael was there, every moment of every day from the moment I met him. He kept me together, he loved me. He loved me when you didn't and wouldn't." She cried in out in anguish as she beat his chest with her hands.

"I'm sorry I bailed P, words can never fully explain or make it better, but I'm sorry, but you're wrong, not a day has gone by that I stopped loving you."

"You just didn't love me enough. I wasn't enough for you so you ran. It's your MO Morgan, it will always be your MO. Just let me go, leave. You're going to eventually." She stated in resolution.

"I am never leaving you again Baby Girl. Hand on my heart I will be here for you for the rest of our lives whether you want me or not." He promised bringing her closer to his chest as he sat down pulling her as close to him as possible. Exhausted Penelope buried her head in his neck as she sobbed. Penelope fell limp in his arms as she gave into her devastation. Emily and JJ stood by the door with tears in their eyes, both turned into Rossi's arms as he comforted them both. Hotch had slipped out to call Reid and the coroner, making sure to co-ordinate it so that Gabe would not have to see his beloved Michael being taken in a body bag.

Derek's arms remained tightly around Penelope as she cried in his arms, his face buried into her hair murmuring words of love and comfort. He knew it would be a tough road ahead for them both, but he was willing to stick it out, no matter how hard she tried to push him away.

After one last good bye to Michael, they closed the door behind them as the Coroner got him ready to be taken away. The sound of his body bag being zipped up was like a nail being scratched on the blackboard for Penelope's ears. It made the hair on the back of her hair stand up.

Not long after he was taken away, Reid and Gabe returned and the moment he did, Penelope rose to her feet and conjured up all the bravery she could muster to tell her son that the father he had grown up in having had gone to heaven. Gabe, an astute little boy looked at his mother then to his Uncle Aaron, to his father for confirmation who all nodded answering the question he wordlessly asked. As his lower lip quivered he threw his arms around his mother's neck,

"It's okay Momma, I'll take care of you. I love you. You and me forever remember?" Penelope's eyes filled with tears once more,

"Thank you Baby. I love you too." She replied in a grateful whisper hugging him as tight as she could without crushing him.


	8. Chapter 8

As hard as it was, Penelope dragged herself out of bed, made herself shower, get dressed and put make up on. She did it for Gabe, she owed it to him to give him the normalcy he deserved. They would always mourn for Michael, but she didn't want Gabe to be surrounded by sadness. There was a time to mourn, and a time to move forward. With the help of their BAU family, Gabe and Penelope were coping as best as they could.

Shortly after Michael had passed away she and Gabe moved into the beach house that she had bought before Gabe was born. It wasn't far from Quantico, and always intended to move there eventually, and after the loss of Michael it seemed like there was no time like the present. They had spent every summer there since Gabe's birth, and when Penelope had to work she just drove from there. Thought most of the time, she just worked from there.

Derek stuck close by with a respectable distance. He knew Penelope was not ready for him to slip into their world so prominently, that it would look as though he was trying to fill the void of Michael's which they all knew he could not.

Penelope was still on personal leave, unpacking the beach house. Derek had driven his bike straight there after their case. They had been called away to Maine, and the case took over a week to break, and though they were all in touch with Penelope every day throughout the day, they wanted to see her. Hotch had allowed him to head there first while the rest of them finished up the paperwork.

He found Penelope on the hammock seemingly reading a book, but he could tell that she was miles away.

"Hey P"

"Derek, you guys are home already?"

"Yeah, we got in about an hour ago. Hotch and the others will be here tonight with dinner."

"Of course." She replied knowingly with a chuckle.

"Gabe napping?"

"Yeah, he wore himself out this morning in the water. I swear that kid was born with fins or something. Loves the water."

"Des is exactly the same."

"Yeah, your Mom mentioned that. How was the case?"

"The usual."

"Ahh, did you want a drink? I've made muffins too." She said sitting up,

"Don't get up, I'll go and get it. Did you want another?" he said pointing to her bottle of water.

"Yes please." She replied with a nod as she looked back out to sea.

It wasn't lost on any of them that Penelope's joy was on temporary hiatus. Whatever joy she could muster up was used on Gabe and around him. When she was alone, they saw that her shoulders would sag a little and her eyes cast down. They knew that all she needed was time, that she would get there on her own, in her own time. For now, they were there to fill the gaps.

Derek watched her from the kitchen as he prepared a plate for the two of them guessing that she hadn't eaten either. He could tell by the drop of her weight that the chances were, she wasn't eating at all. Penelope was staring out into the water again, seemingly lost in her thoughts once more. It broke his heart to see her so heart broken. He knew what a huge loss Michael was to her life. As they packed up his things in the old apartment, he was able to catch a glimpse of just how important he was to Penelope, how vital he had been for her survival when he bailed on her life. It seemed unfair that she lose him too.

"Here P, eat something." Penelope hesitated,

"You may as well, because you know the first thing Hotch is going to do is harass you about whether or not you've eaten, and seeing as lying has never been a strong point for you, I'd say try and knock some of this down so you can at least say you tried." Knowing he was right she nodded and took the plate with muffin on it. She picked at it as they sat in a somewhat comfortable silence.

"I miss him." She confessed,

"Of course you do P, and I'm sure you will miss him every day for the rest of your life. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I feel so empty and exhausted Derek. I feel like an empty shell. What if Michael was the one who filled me, and now that he's gone I'll always be empty." Penelope said somewhat fearfully.

"I didn't know him for very long P, but I would bet that Michael would be the first to tell you that it's you. That it's always been you who filled you. You give too much credit to those around you. You're one of the strongest people on the planet Penelope. With or without those key people in your life, you would make it, because it's who you are. You're a survivor. Did Michael make it hurt less after I dropped out of your life, make it easier, of course he did, but it was you who got herself out of bed every morning. It is you who despite how badly I had hurt you willingly opened your heart to a stranger and allowed him to be in the front row of your life. Not everyone does that P. Not everyone who experiences the pain and hurt that you have allow themselves to feel love again at the risk despite the pain they may encounter again. So I have no doubts about you making it to the other side of this, none of us do. You just need to remember that you're not alone, and that we are all here for you. I will always be here for you." Tears filled her eyes as she could hear his heart in every word he confessed.

"Thank you. I appreciate that"


	9. Chapter 9

Slowly, Penelope got back to her almost normal self. With Gabe as her driving force, there really was no question about it. It was a non negotiable. She knew that Michael would hate to see her fall apart just because he was gone and she owed him more than that, she owed Gabe more than just a shell of the person she once was. As promised Derek had stayed a strong force in both Gabe's life and hers. His enduring patience, never failing support and love broke down walls within her she had long since declared to be permanent. She was grateful that he was around. She knew that Gabriel coped as well as he had because he had Derek, though he could never replace Michael, he filled a part of the huge void they all felt without him.

"Hey P, you home?" Derek called out as he came through the door. He had long since been given his own set of keys for the times when he would pick up Gabriel from school and drop him home.

"Yeah, just in the office finishing up some stuff. Be there in a sec." he heard her reply.

"Hey Kiddo, go wash your hands and I'll get you a snack. Your Mom will be down in a sec."

As a rule Gabe wasn't allowed in the office especially when Penelope was working due to the contents of what she was working on, she never wanted him to accidentally see something he shouldn't and potentially scar him for life.

"Okay Daddy." Derek smiled. It had been a couple of months since Gabriel had started calling him Daddy, and it still brought the biggest grin from his face.

"Did he say the D word again?" Penelope teased as she saw the goofy grin on his face. Derek only smiled wider,

"Sue me, I love hearing it."

"Don't worry, when he first uttered the words Mama I followed him around and made him say it over and over again. If it weren't for the possible irreversible damage I would have kept going too. Michael had to point out that Gabe was going to be going me Mama for the rest of my life." She confessed with a sad smile at the end. Derek gave her arm a quick squeeze before heading towards her fridge to get a snack ready for Gabe.

"MAMA!" Gabriel shrieked excitedly flinging his arms around his mother's legs. Penelope braced at impact and reached down to pick him up.

"Hey Baby. Mama missed you. Did you have a good day at school today?" Gabe nodded excitedly,

"Guess what Mama?"

"What Baby?"

"You're invited to school for our end of school year party. There's a presentation and I am getting an award. Daddy already said he's coming, you can come can't you?"

"I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world kiddo. Of course I'll be there. I'm so proud of you Monkey. You know with or without an award your Daddy and I would be there beaming with pride?"

"Yes Mama."

Derek returned the proud grin on Penelope's face. He placed a tub of yoghurt and a spoon in front of their son as Penelope sat him down on the bench.

"What do you feel like for dinner P? I'm cooking."

"You sure?"

"Mexican?" she suggested,

"Sold. I so didn't know what I wanted till you said that. Tacos, Burritos and Nachos?"

"Which army are you feeding?"

"The ones that always end up here?" he answered naming Emily and Reid mostly. Ever since Michael had passed away they spent more and more time at Penelope's being the two token singles of their team.

"Good point. Do you need a hand?"

"No, you're not done yet are you?"

"Not really. I have a few searches to go and I need to check in with Team B, but I can be back here to help you chop and what not."

"It's Mexican P, it won't take long. You do your thing and Junior here and I will do homework while we cook, won't we kiddo?" Gabe nodded with a mouthful. Penelope's heart warmed at the sight of full size Derek and his Mini Me. It often took her breath away. She dropped a kiss on Gabe's head gave Derek's arm a meaningful squeeze before heading back to her office. Gabe watched as his father's eyes followed his mother all the way to her office,

"Daddy,"

"Yes Baby,"

"You love Mama don't you?" taken aback by the directness of the question Derek, it took him a moment to reply

"Yes I do Kiddo. I love your Mama very much."

"Good, she loves you too." He replied innocently before digging into his yoghurt once more leaving Derek somewhat speechless.


End file.
